I thought I had it figured out.
There is a photographer who I see a lot on the forum and she takes beautiful pictures of people in public venues with a 56mm f/1.4. I often think that I would very much like to see the world through that lens and I have thought that it is suited to me. I don’t feel comfortable taking pictures of strangers. The way I figure it, the 112mm FF-equivalent lens would me the opportunity to capture images from a distance that would be a little less conspicuous. And while I don’t have a 56mm 1.4, the 45mm 1.8 is a very solid lens in its own right and I thought the I could make some satisfactory images with it. Wow … I sure was wrong.
Firstly, the lens is longer than I am used to and – frankly – I don’t think I want to learn how to use it. It probably makes for good candid portraits or nice scenes in larger spread out out environments, but I had no idea how restricting and narrow it would be at a crowded event with a bunch of people so tightly and densely organized. I want to be far away, but I can’t, because everything with the 45mm is too far away, too compressed, and too difficult to frame in the context of any story.
Second, I want to be able to pick-up the camera, frame the image and click the shutter. I don’t want to have to try to grab focus with the focus point and quickly reframe. I can’t use a hyperfocal distance with a 45mm. The depth of field isn’t sufficient for how I want to capture images. The lens I left at home was the Meike 25mm /f1.8; I left it at home because it is soft wide open and not great glass, but I also bought it knowing its weaknesses while (at the same time) planning to set the aperture somewhere between f/5 and f/8 and forget about it. Frame and click. Frame and click. Frame and click. Did I even consider that? Nope.
Third, I simply don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right. So much so that I really don’t think I even want to learn how to use it outside to a portrait setting. The narrow view feels so unnatural. I like the scene wider and closer to what I see in real life. I think I want a focal length somewhere between 35-50mm FF-equivalent, if not wider.
But even when I put the 45mm back in my bag and grabbed something that was closer to 25mm, I was still a chicken shit. I stood too far away.
I failed to face my subjects.
I had a difficult time executing an image that had anything to say.
The closest that I came to a decent image was this one, where at least I got closer to someone and I stayed my ground even after eye contact. No, the image never materialized, but at least I could take a small victory from this, the last image I captured before the gun went off and the runners raced away from me.
Of course, that isn’t to say that I walked away without any good images. But the ones that I walked away with of the church or the young woman eating her morning breakfast in the reflection of a door are typical for me. They are low hanging fruit. And while they are fine, I want to create exceptional images.
I am not exceptional yet. Not even close.
The only way that I will get better, though, is to try again. To push myself. To get closer … with confidence.