For the last 3-4 years, I have said that I am going to travel while Christine and the kids are in NJ and I never do. Not once … until this year. I communicate with Michael more than anyone. Both long before and since the pandemic, we have developed this really, really nice friendship. Usually we hang out every year in San Diego, but that didn’t this past February and probably won’t happen this coming February, either. It had been too long since we hung out and that needed to change. I had initially asked him if he was going to be around one of the weekends that the family was in NJ … I approached him under the guise of making a photo-trip to Rhode Island and was hoping to maybe get to see him if he was around and could fit me in for a couple drinks one […]
The number wasn’t in my contacts, but I recognized it. The words? I couldn’t even. I don’t know if you guys heard but we had some terrible news today. Joelle passed away in her sleep last night … I had been texting with her the day before. We were doing what we had always done, finding humor in the dark and perverse. After one volley of messages we had this exchange: Joelle: You are going straight to hell with me in the front seat of the train. [laughing emoji] Me: Do you think they’ll have seat belts? Her: Jesus Christ [laughing emoji]. I sure hope they don’t at that point fuck it. 13 hours later she was gone and she left without me. I had missed her when she was still alive. I hadn’t seen her in 5 years … we visited the area less and she was always busy […]
Or at least I think they’ve got it wrong. And I throw this idea out there without much to back it up aside from my own biased perspective, but there is a chance that such a perspective might of increased value and should be listened to. A friend recently asked me what I thought about ‘happiness’ and I replied: To be happy all the time is not unlike eating all the time, I think. Hunger is a need state: we experience the unpleasantness of hunger when we are beginning to run a deficit of some sort. We (usually) eat to satiate and reduce the unpleasantness of hunger, but the feeling of fullness is not euphoric. Nor is the feeling of fullness the opposite of hunger; it doesn’t lie on a continuum with hunger, but instead correlates to a lack of hunger, I think. To that end, we are always in […]
Forward June 12, 2020 I’m stuck. I’ve put on 5 pounds. The angst is back. I can’t seem to get up and do much of anything. My PHQ-2 would score would require further assessment. I need to do something. I’m gonna run. I’ll hate it, but that is okay. I’m gonna do it anyway. Spite and self-loathing make for a high octane fuel. I’m gonna run 13.1 miles. Save the date: October 11, 2020. #backontrack July 4, 2020 On 6/13, for the first time in over a year, I ran. Actually, I am not certain that I can call it running. For all practical purposes I lightly jogged 3.5 miles. I’m not in my 20s anymore, so I took it slow; I was really just trying to see what my heart and lungs would let me do (they are typically the governor on my engine). I expected to make it […]
Next week would usually be my week to recharge for the next year. It isn’t enough, but my annual pilgrimage to San Diego always seems to help. I live a mostly lonely life here at home, especially since disconnecting from social media, and those few days in San Diego are usually some of the best that I have any given year. It offers a respite from the cold and warms the soul with conversation and sharing space with people with whom I have formed a kinship. It didn’t start out that way, of course. It began with me reading a website, joining a small online forum, and becoming caught up in ideas, thinking, and learning. From those experiences online, friendships developed virtually, then “in real life” with handshakes, hugs, and laughs (both drunken and sober). We found each other because we shared a single obsessive interest; we became friends because […]
At the dinner table last night, we were discussing a text message that I received from a trustworthy-friend who said that one of the 4 demonstrators who died at the rally/riot in Washington DC this week had died by tasering his own testicles and thusly suffering a cardiac event. He also made mention that another participant had been trampled by the crowd after earlier being photographed wielding a “Don’t Tread On Me”-flag. “Bear in mind, this guy is usually reliable, but it fits his biases too much, so I would need to verify it,” I said to the family. Christine proceeded to say that she had seen the same thing on FB. As supporting evidence, she held up and shared the post of FB friend, who had shared a screen-grab of a post of a stranger, who had something to say about the subject. I refused to even read it. […]
I don’t know a lot about post-modernism. I know that I have been accused of espousing it without necessarily knowing what it is. I know that in political circles, the right throws around the term “post-modern” with the same disdain as “progressive,” “leftist,” and “socialism.” I know – as a reformed political conservative – that those are really powerful words because they lay opposed to one’s fundamental ideology. What I think I know about post-modernism is that it makes certain-types of people feel uncomfortable (e.g. people who need order and certainty in their lives, especially the religiously-inclined), but that is an anecdotal guess, nothing more. Briefly looking up a convenience sample of 3 sources on post-modernism: Wikipedia, Britannica, and PBS, because they were the first 3 items in my internet search results. According to Wikipedia: Postmodernism is an intellectual stance or mode of discourse defined by an attitude of skepticism […]
2020 is over and there have been a few more casualties. I knew that I would lose touch with some folks when I started to remove myself from social media. I had an assortment of “friends” that I wanted to remain in touch with … many had been forged in person but some were exclusively online. The first year of my email-only experiment went fairly well and I received replies and positive feedback from almost all of the 20+ people that I tried to stay in touch with. This year, that number has reduced considerably. There were a couple of folks that I adore and usually see in person 2-3 times per year. COVID squashed my travels and busy-ness probably squashed any time that they might have had to reply to my emails. There were 2 other folks on other sides of world who I shared so, so much with […]
I am still thinking about it, and I think this is a placeholder for thoughts that are yet to be developed, but … I read a very under-whelming book about trying to value our time more; I don’t recommend it. Long story short: don’t spend too much time or waste too much effort saving money and organize your day in a disciplined manner (de-fragmented) so that you are doing what you value most. If you are able to do that, psychology research tells us that, on average, you are likely to be happier. #done #yourwelcome There is also an interview here, that (frankly) condenses the gist of her book into something palatable and equally digestible. This is the notion that I have been wrapping my mind around recently: I have to earn time off from work. Until last year, they called it “earned time off”. That means that the default […]