6 weeks ago, things were a little different. I wasn’t naive. COVID-19 was going to get to my community. I had no doubt. I had been watching and following the news out of China and had strongly considered not traveling to San Diego in mid-February as a result. I also had no idea that it would get here as quickly as it did. Not that it would have necessarily changed my mind. I walked out of the building at Nascentia yesterday, 4 weeks after giving them notice of termination of my employment. The last 4 weeks have been a roller coaster ride as COVID hit New York and I’ve perpetually wondered if now was the right time for such a move, but despite incessantly re-running the scenarios in my mind, there was no turning back. Will the next company still take me considering what is going on or would they […]
I’ve started posting pictures that I am taking during this crazy time here. I’ve chosen to use black and white images because there is a lot of mixed light in the home (natural, incandescent, LCD, fluorescent) and I find the colors difficult to manage and off-putting. I’m electing to lift the shadows and keep the images brighter than I usually would because I want to have details in the shadows in my poorly lit home … the details for a project like this are most important, I think. It is funny, really. I have $2000+ worth of camera equipment in my office and I’ve started a photo project with my $400 cell phone. I would be ashamed of myself if not for how wonderfully pragmatic the decision is. I LOVE my real “camera”. The images from my Olympus are great and far exceed the quality of the images that are […]
Despite the fact that we are now sleeping in separate rooms and distancing in our own home, we appreciate that we are in the minority. Tonight, Christine and I were talking about how we actually wouldn’t be surprised to see a baby-boom in 12 months. Sure enough, other folks are thinking the same. Of course, the problem is that computer models are indicating that this COVID-mother-fucker is likely to make a comeback next winter too. That’s not exactly what I would consider peak baby delivery conditions. We could make and effort to get the word out to be careful and think things through, but young people are still having weddings, going to beaches, and getting drunk in bars. So, yeah … I guess we’ll just cross our fingers and wait to see what happens. In the meantime? #misanthropy
I don’t know. Maybe I’m a shitty PT. Maybe I’m just not self-deluded. As always, there’s probably something closer to ‘right’ somewhere in the middle, but still … this COVID-related message was retweeted by the APTA’s President of the Home Health Section: Ugh. I get it … I’m a nihistic shit, but are we really thinking – when dealing with a virus/illness that is killing nearly 20% of the afflicted over the age of 80 in Italy and is projected to infect between 40-70% of the general population – that our default position is that the small benefit that physiotherapy has demonstrated in reducing readmissions (in limited samples/populations) is worth the risk of becoming COVID vectors in the community? When data from China indicates that the infected are contagious for days prior to exhibiting symptoms? When the patients that we are trying to serve are the ones most susceptible to […]
I’m gonna be a bit bored for a while, I think. Fucking COVID. I am going the route of overkill; it helps me sleep at night … usually. But, then again, when I am sleeping on an air mattress in the office (where I plan to distance myself to) so that Christine and the kids can live in the house without fear of possible contagions as each is off from work and school … well, we’ll see, I suppose. I think that I’ll explore some writings again. Maybe something short every day. Something to occupy my mind. Something to do when Christine and I are unable to spend evenings together. I’ll try to capture the experience with photos from my cell phone. I’ve selected it with intention. I’ve also decided to process all photos in a bright monochrome. Also with intention. I wish I had used equal intention in framing […]
Three years ago, the most frustrating therapist to try to teach up-to-date practice patterns was Pam. I’ll probably never forget her approaching me at the office one day and saying to me, “When you are scheduling these teaching-things, feel free to leave me for last. I’m just here for another few years and the less I have to learn the better.” . . . . I taught her the new materials anyway. I was later assigned to meet with her every 2 weeks to review her caseload with her. Since I have been moved into middle-management, Pam has been calling. A lot. More questions than ever before. It had gotten to the point that everyone screened their calls … everyone accept me. The running joke at the office has been, “Don’t answer it, it might be Pam.” When my resignation was announced, Pam approached me tearfully, wondering why I was […]
Squirrels are common, but gifted creatures. Ask any backyard bird-lover if they have squirrel-story and they’ll share a frustrating narrative of how they tried in vain to prevent a squirrel from eating the bird-seed from their feeder; they are savvy, persistent, and creative. My dog, Adeline, has chased many but caught none; they are quick and elusive. Sit in a local park and you’ll watch social creatures run up and down trees, leap from branch to branch, and scurry across the length of the most narrow rope or line; squirrels are graceful creatures. Their carcasses also litter the shoulders of our roadways. . . . . I saw him from 75 yards away. As I came around the bend, he lifted his head from the ground and looked directly at my vehicle. I was only traveling 45 mph, and I lifted my foot from the accelerator. I started coasting and […]
I was going to spend less time online and on my phone consuming. I was going to take that newfound time and communicate, create, and explore. Yet – despite cutting back on my digital life – I haven’t had time for those things. Instead, I’ve been watching the NBA playoffs, which have no value to me whatsoever. I don’t have a favorite team or a favorite player. There’s not even a team that I’d rather see win. Yet there I am watching television while an unread book rests at my feet and the content of a blog post is echoing in my mind. I never used to be or feel this way – I don’t know when it started. I used to sit around all night, every night, watching sports and cheering on various teams until – somewhere along the way – these last 8 years – I lost the […]
I have this omnipresent pain inside me: a constant and gnawing pain that I’m always trying to distract myself from feeling. This pain is – generally – a kind of a minor background anguish that only occasionally gets bad enough to take over my life, but it’s also never not there. It’s hard for me to describe the pain without resorting to figurative language, but I think it’s the pain of meaninglessness, the fear that my vast interior life will die with me, and that my brief miraculous flicker of consciousness will not have been for anything. For me, at least, there is a terrifying depravity to meaninglessness, because i calls into question not only why I write and read and garden and eat and love and everything else, but also whether I should even bother, which is a line of thinking I genuinely cannot afford to indulge. Of course, […]