An ongoing photo essay exploring how the life of one family is impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic, through the eyes of a socially-distanced father.
I don’t get to stand much closer than this. I want to go in. I want to sit on her bed and ask her to show me what she is writing. Or tell me what she is reading. Of course, I can’t see what she is doing. All I can see is her back. I can ask her what she is doing, but all she can do is turn her head to reply.
Occasionally, I’ll bring a folding chair into the family room and place it alongside the fireplace to talk with Christine, or sometimes watch television with the family, but – more often than not – I stand in the kitchen and ask them what or how they are doing from a distance.
The entire family is using electronic devices more than we have ever allowed or encouraged in the past. It is better for everyone, we think. It is cold out and the kids would probably be at each other’s throats after a few days. Meanwhile, they are stuck with only each other for what will likely be over 4 weeks, if we are lucky. The Kindles, phones, gaming consoles, and laptops offer a sanity-saving-buffer that a book can’t reasonably offer.
The quote reads, “True courage is in facing danger when you are afraid…”; I appreciated the irony considering the empty shelves pictured here were in the toilet paper section. It had been empty for 3 days.
This is what my office typically looks like.
This is what my office now looks like every night.
During the day, the air mattress is picked up and the pillows are tucked behind it as it is leaned against the closet door to keep my space as normal as possible and – more importantly – without incidental punctures from Adeline’s unrelenting desire to make the bed her own.
I exit my space one evening and find this note hanging from string that was taped to the ceiling at the top of the stairs. Victoria later shared that she had moved a chair to the top of the stairs and stood on it to put the tape on the ceiling. A stern discussion ensued; topics included stair safety and our inability to safely access emergent care in the event of a trauma.
We had dropped her bike off at the shop for its annual tune up Saturday. By Wednesday night, Christine was desperate to get it back before all businesses were forced to close (despite how Christine may feel about her own bike, bicycle repair shops are not considered essential services). Luckily, her bike was ready and – after I picked it up – she wastes no time pedaling it around the neighborhood to be certain that it is operational. She knows that she is going to need it.
My view at every meal. We eat together, but they remain at a distance. Here, they are at day 6 since they were last in the community. They can be near each other. They just can’t be within 5-6 feet of Daddy.
After birthday packages remained in the garage for 2 days after their delivery (the virus can live on cardboard for up to 24 hours in lab conditions), Victoria is able to open her birthday presents from out-of-town family. Austin is less enthusiastic about the toys than her.
The kids – patiently waiting for Christine to serve them their desert.
Christine – contemplating how to cut the final 2 pieces of Victoria’s birthday cake from the tail of an ice cream cake whale. She must be tired. I try to be as supportive as I can be from a distance, but she is living the life of a 1950s-mom. She is a great mom, but the life of June Cleaver is not as fulfilling as a bunch of male writers and producers in the 1950s made it seem.
She often doesn’t last long … once the kids are in bed and she attains horizontal, the eyes grow heavy. She fights it, but it is never a battle that she can win. Seriously. Never.
Every night is the same routine now. It used to be Christine’s job to get the dog off Austin’s bed at night. Now it is mine. I go upstairs before Christine, open Austin’s door, and Adeline pretends that she doesn’t see me, forcing me to physically pull her off of Austin’s bed, and send her downstairs. In doing so, I can be out of the bathroom with my teeth brushed by the time Christine has let out and then crated Adeline for the night. And yes, that is hand sanitizer on Austin’s nightstand.
to: Daddy, From: Victoria Victoria spent some time creating this with glitter glue. It is now hanging over my PC monitor. It isn’t quite as nice as a hug, but it warms the heart, nonetheless. Hopefully, her seeing it hanging in its place over the weeks ahead will illustrate for her its meaningfulness.
Austin continues his duties/chores. He vacuums and dusts the entire house (minus my office) twice weekly and cleans the backyard of Adeline’s stool throughout the week. He is compensated $3 for vacuuming and $2 for dusting, each per cleaning. He earns $5 for the backyard, weekly. Typically, he is listening to podcasts while he cleans; podcast topics usually include Star Wars or technology that he can’t afford.
Victoria has new toys and no peers available to play with. Enter Christine. Victoria actively sought her out and asked her to play with her. Victoria laughs quite a bit as Christine placed her characters in silly and unpredictable circumstances (e.g. earthquakes and falls down stairs). Christine may not realize it in the moment, but this is a snapshot of a #momwin.
While the girls are playing Polly Pockets, Austin plays with his Star Wars LEGO mini-figures.
He is on his school iPad, she is on her Kindle. Together they are playing Prodigy, a math-skills game on the internet.
While the children are playing Prodigy downstairs, Christine takes the opportunity to work on an IEP for work. Despite there not being any school, meetings to develop plans for children with special needs in the community are expected to continue uninterrupted. Christine needs to be prepared.
This is the look of a dog that knows that she shouldn’t have been on the bed. When she heard my footsteps approaching the door to capture the image of Christine above, I heard all 55-pounds of Adeline land on the floor.
Victoria comes upstairs to show me this picture that she drew of a dragon. She says that she is getting really good at drawing dragons because she practices a lot in her spare time at school.
On this day, the children are sent out into the freezing temperatures knowing that it was going to rain the following day. What do they do to entertain themselves? They play with the ice that had accumulated in Adeline’s outdoor water bowl over the winter, smashing it on the patio with over-enthusiastic glee. “That was sooo cool!” shouts Victoria.
Week 2 has begun, with no end to social isolation in sight. Every morning Christine wakes up and connects with her social-world via FB and her varied friend group messaging threads. She is good at creating routine for the kids, less-so for her herself.
When Victoria wakes up in the morning, she prefers to lay in bed and watch Youtubers on her Kindle tablet. When she wakes in the morning, she walks into Christine’s room, gives her a hug and asks, “Can I watch something on my Kindle?”
Austin is usually the only person who will get out of bed in the morning, but his routine otherwise looks the same as his mother’s and sister’s. What drives him to leave his bedroom? His phone charges downstairs overnight, so he has to leave his room if he wants to use it. Coincidentally, it is also in the same room as Adeline’s crate, so the responsibility usually falls to him to let her out and feed her. After 10 minutes of attention, she is usually content to rest in the poof-chair for a couple of hours.
March 23, 2020 – a typical March-morning in CNY. Not enough snow to play in, but too much snow to go out if you are a kid. It just ain’t worth the trouble.
March 23, 2020 – a typical March-afternoon in CNY. The snow that was expected to slow in the morning and offer no significant accumulation quickly added up throughout the day and I go to Green Lakes for a hike with the camera.
The kids go out the next day to play in the snow after all. Victoria is especially pleased with her snowman.
A new email from Mr. Cooper and Miss Lau at Tae Kwon Do has both kids reading over Christine’s shoulder.
Christine has run out of New Jersey bagels, which are usually kept in the freezer. Her solution is to make her own. “Anything is better than a Lender’s,” she says.
Care to wager if he cleans his phone after washing his hands?
Christine taking the kids for a run. Austin will run a little. Victoria will run less, and even then, Adeline will do most of the work, pulling Victoria behind her.
This past spring, I encouraged Christine to sell the old Cars character-toys in the garage sale; I could not foresee a circumstance that would result in my son revisiting the same toys that he played with 9 years ago. Well, they watched Cars 2 during a break from school due to a pandemic virus and became inspired. Who knew?
The kids are getting to bed a little later than they typically would. This night, Victoria is brushing her teeth at 920pm. 2 weeks ago, she would have been asleep 40 mins earlier. The kid’s spirits remain good, however, and while things are certainly different, they aren’t alarmingly different and the days seem to have a natural flow.
I woke the kids at 730 this am. While Austin was up and about in 3 minutes, Victoria is not at all pleased with me. She’ll remain in bed for 25 minutes before physically rising, but at least she is awake. The hope is that by reinstating a formal time to rise in the morning, it will make going to bed at night a little easier and more formal as well.
We had to take the Pilot in for service today; “Trusty Rusty” is beginning to lose its charm and reliability. Along the way, we passed this gas station, the second of two with gasoline prices below $2.00. This is the first time that gas prices have been this low since 2004.
Victoria is reviewing the findings of her research on the continent of Africa with Christine. She could have chosen to study any continent (other than North America). She elected to choose Africa, because that is where hedgehogs can be found in the wild.
For once, Austin is using electronics for school. This particular day, he completed coursework for science and ELA. He also looked through his history curricula, which was already a flipped classroom before the school closures. Later the same afternoon, he participated in a video lesson from his math teacher and a viola lesson as well.
The kids are expected to participate in 2-3 hours of Tae Kwon Do every week, same as if they weren’t practice distancing. The instructors are creating youtube content that their students can follow at home. On this date, they were practicing the coordination/timing of upper and lower extremity movements to improve the force behind their strikes.
Apparently she sleeps – quite soundly, I might add – face down, lying on her arms, without a pillow.
We were wondering if we should try to give away/sell the ‘ole swingset this summer. They didn’t play with it much at all last season, but (much like the Cars toys) it seems that the kids have a renewed interest.
Day 11 Christine cracked today. It crossed my mind to take a picture in the moment, but I elected to preserve my marriage and employ this image as a placeholder instead.
The kids and I take in a new episode of LEGO-masters while Christine is “out” at Mom’s Night. By “out”, I mean she walked upstairs to her bedroom with a glass of wine and her laptop to commiserate with her friends on a Zoom-meeting.
After the kids are in bed, we get to watch what we want, with her on one side of the room, me on the other.
Less activity than is typical, even on a rainy day.
I made the weekly trip to the local grocery store to replenish milk, yogurt, fruits, bread … and to get some comfort foods. Sundays are usually Dunkin Donut-days; Entenmann’s will have to suffice, because no store-made items are being purchased by this our household. And the the creme egg? That is all mine.
If it’s good enough for a cows udder … Our hands are all very dried and cracked from the incessant hand-washing. Every night, we are putting this on our hands before bed. Some of us put socks over our hands, others wear gloves.
Adeline is pretending to sleep while I am folding clothes in the bedroom. She is waiting for me to leave so that she can jump up with Christine.
This little table has served the family well, even if the chair is in a state of disrepair. Austin says that he is helping Victoria with a project, but he seems to have made himself comfortable enough to be more collaborator, less helper.
I arrive home from work (I am considered essential) and find the kids outside, playing with squirt guns in 40 degree weather, in late-March. They say that it isn’t too cold if they are wearing raincoats and boots. This is an activity I think they’ll still talk about 10 years from now.
She asks me if I was near people today, and I told her that I was. She knows that I won’t stop distancing unless I can go 2 weeks without community exposure. Today I was both at the office and seeing a patient. “Awwww,” she says, “I want you to hug me.”
Christine is forced to clean and put away the dishes more than she typically would, because I am doing my best to avoid hanging out or talking in the kitchen to keep my germs to myself. She isn’t complaining. I try to thank her as often as I can. She is being amazing.
Christine is as at my computer when I arrive home from work, and Adeline is keeping her company. On the floor in the hallway is the container of Clorox wipes that she used to disinfect all the surfaces at the desk. Why there is no label on the package is a story for another time.
Victoria’s physical education assignment was to play 4-square. After watching a tutorial online, she elected to play 2-square with Austin instead.
They are role/pretend-playing; I am not sure what, though. Maybe Star Wars? As I walked away, Austin could be heard yelling, “10 seconds until we abandon the hyper-deck – Get ready!”
After reading to Victoria the contents of a friendly email from the proprietor of the local diner that we (usually) visit weekly, she stares down into her cold cereal bowl – nearly empty with only a few Chex remaining at the bottom – and says, “I miss Darlene.”
We can add sparring to the list of things that the kids are encouraged to do that would otherwise seem like a horrible idea. They typically spar at the dojang on Friday nights. Here, they are sparring on a Saturday morning.
Surprise! Austin and Victoria are eating lunch with Grandma and Grandpa. The kids are enjoying seeing my parents for the first time in weeks, even if it is only through a window. They’ll hope to have another picnic next week too. (Photo courtesy of Christine)
Perhaps a parenting win, or maybe a parenting fail: Victoria is opening a box of Twinkies for the first time. Neither she or Austin have eaten one. Ever. They’ll both enjoy one for desert this night, but neither will rave about them, either. This is what results when Keith shops for groceries.
I went to BJs for some staples (and some Pringles and Mozzarella sticks too, apparently) … It is strange, having taped markers on the floor to keep shoppers – who are patiently waiting for their turn to check out – distanced more than 6 feet apart. This is also the first time that I have been out and seen more shoppers wearing masks than not.
Victoria is enjoying her Twinkie. “It’s really good, Daddy.”
While Victoria insists on photo-bombing the scene – despite my courteous request that she take a step back – Austin is a little less enthused by his virgin-Twinkie experience than his sister was. “It’s alright, I guess.”
Such an eerie scene. The staff at a local school has surrounded the school playground with snow fencing to discourage people from getting near the equipment. Of course, even if someone were so desperate to swing and they get beyond the fencing, they’d still need to cut the yellow caution tape and untie the swings.
Easter is only a few days away and the kids are coloring eggs; it is an annual tradition. I am typically more involved and the kids are usually sitting beside each other on the left side of the table, but I stayed in my spot and they moved to the other head of the table so that I could take pictures.
Christine is showing the kids out to work their core on the exercise ball, moving from plank to pike. 45 seconds later, Austin will try the same, but roll off the ball and fall haphazardly into the large poof chair in the corner.
Austin seems to be enjoying the circumstances more than anyone. He misses seeing his friends, but they live more active online-lives than we typically allow. With his isolation, he is now afforded more time online and more time on his phone. Here he is playing a game on his switch while talking on the phone to a friend who is playing the game in the same online world.
These signs are everywhere, in towns and on the highways. Shouldn’t they read, “Go home. Stop the spread.”?
Victoria has fallen asleep while laying on pillows on the floor in the dining room, watching a video on Christine’s old cell phone. Apparently, this was the most comfortable place for her to rest while still being able to charge the device.
Christine continues to remain as active as possible, despite the isolating circumstances. She is doing yoga and exercising upstairs …
… and training in the basement. More often than not, she is training with friends. She will place the laptop on the floor or on a stool and she and her training partners will exercise together virtually.
While Austin has the privilege of falling asleep with Adeline every night, it is Victoria who spends most of the time with Adeline during the day. Sometimes she is giving her affection, other times they will just relax beside each other.
The Saturday before Easter, the Easter Bunny rides atop the town ladder truck to wave to the children in throughout the village. This morning, the Easter Bunny interrupted Tae Kwon Do class.
The yoga mat is serving as the road that all of her Polly Pocket toys/characters live on. “It’s Pocket Street,” she says.
Austin catches me capturing a quick image while he and Victoria work on a small arts and crafts/painting project. There is one brush and he is waiting his turn. He is content to paint his project placing the card flat on the table. Victoria, on the other hand, insists on using the small easel included with the project.
This is a wonderful example of the love and playfulness that Victoria and Adeline share together. Victoria will spend the next 2 minutes trying to wrestle the toy ball from Adeline’s control …
… then she’ll immediately throw the ball across the room for Adeline to chase down, so that they can start the same scenario all over again.
The kids are working together to make a pudding pie, their choice for dessert after Easter dinner. They typically make the same pie on Valentine’s Day, but forgot to do it this year, maybe because I was out of town at the Summit in San Diego.
It’s 8:30 pm, Easter Sunday, the family hasn’t yet eaten dessert, and Victoria is painting Christine’s nails on a “school night”.
Christine consumes her portion of pudding pie directly from the pie tin.
“Lights out” My lonely view of the PC, monitor, modem, router, hard drive, and local server in the evenings before trying to fall asleep. I lay on my back on the air mattress and ponder the decisions that I am making and the impact they are having on me, my children, and my marriage. There is no such thing as right or wrong, only positive and negative outcomes, and neither are exclusive of the other.
My view at work, at least on some days … sitting in the office on my loveseat. This is all I’ve wanted: no office, no micro-management, no idle chit-chat …
… Just me and my dog, listening to the music I want to listen to as loud as I want while being more productive than I can possibly be in a stale office.
Our favorite ice cream stand, Dad’s, is opening in 3 weeks, but we won’t be going for a while. There needs to be widespread community testing first, coupled with (yet to be announced) mandatory hygiene practices which should include masks and gloves of servers. There still isn’t enough testing for everyone who needs it and there is still a shortage of PPE/masks for hospitals … it will be a long while still until we are able to exercise the caution at a community-level that is required for safe community engagement.
The girls are playing a game, the Paw Patrol knock-off-version of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Victoria will laugh harder than I have heard her laugh in weeks; probably since her and Christine were playing silly with her Polly Pocket toys after she opened her birthday gifts. Adeline? She’s just in the way.
It took over a month, so the peace lasted longer than I expected, but today the kids were bickering with each other during Tae Kwon Do. I wouldn’t have minded so much if they were supposed to be respectful to each other like they would in any other Tae Kwon Do class. They were both sent to their rooms to read until dinner and cool off. Electronics were emptied from their bedrooms before closing their doors.
April 16, 2020 April (snow) showers bring … discontent? There has been snow on the car each of the last 3 mornings and this evening’s snow threatens a 4th. Thankfully, I’ll be working from home the next morning.
The day before, Christine heard the most frightening words of the pandemic when Victoria shouted with elation, “Oh, good! I found my kazoo!“
Austin and Victoria are huddled together on the couch, video chatting with Lia.
This is Christine’s primary office space during most days. While the kids are downstairs doing their school work, Christine is staying on top of annual documentation and providing therapy services to students and their families via telehealth.
Everyone is happier after a walk through the neighborhood, especially Adeline.
Christine received flowers as a gift to celebrate 16 years of marriage. Later the same evening the family will watch the video of our wedding. The kids will talk throughout; Christine and I will marvel at how much younger everyone looked back then.
Grandma Waldron was kind enough to make masks for the whole family. With the help of Christine, Victoria is trying on a mask to see if any alterations are needed.
Visiting Grandma and Grandpa on a rare dry and warm day in the latter half of April.
Adeline is patiently waiting for the rains to stop again only one day after spending an entire afternoon outdoors. The forecast says she’ll have to wait a few days.
Even in late April, the frost has been thick on many occasions. This abstract image was captured from the surface of a lid on our fire-pit on the back deck.
Arrived home after a 13-hour work day to find Victoria playing in this water-filled container. She was playing “Will if float?” as a science experiment. Christine says that she had a blast, and was playing in the water for over an hour.
The line at BJ’s Wholesale looked daunting, but it is the same wait as ever. The line is only spread out over a greater distance; there aren’t more shoppers.
The kids are smiling with full bellies. It is a family tradition to celebrate good report cards with a trip to Tully’s. This night, Christine drove the kids to a park only a mile from the restaurant and I surprised the kids with their first take-out dinner since COVID-life. Victoria couldn’t stop saying, “Thank you.”
After the package waited in the garage for 2 days, Victoria is now able to hold her new stuffed-toy that she purchased with her own money.
Victoria slept poorly in her own bed the previous night and migrated to bed with Christine. This is the first time that anyone has slept on this side of the bed in 7 weeks.
The kids are closely observing and inspecting the 2 crayfish that they relocated from the small creek at the back of their grandparents property. Contrary to Victoria’s wishes they will not travel home with us and she will continue to mope about it for hours after.
This guy was drawn on the driveway while the kids were out playing one day.
The local grocery store is making it abundantly clear: if you don’t plan to wear a mask, get your groceries elsewhere. To be fair, while I am reading of divisiveness on the subject of masks elsewhere in the country, folks seem content to wear them here.
Austin is enjoying playing Dungeons and Dragons online with his peer-group; one of the other parents is serving in the role of ‘Dungeon-Master’. Christine thinks it is cool that the kids are getting together to play the game. I doubt the definition of what is ‘cool’ has changed that much since I was a kid.
This was on my place-mat on the dinner table when I arrived home one night. “I just thought you deserved it, because you keep working with patients and earning us money even when everyone else is staying home.”
The local teachers drove through the neighborhood honking horns in a large parade of cars as a show of school/community spirit. Christine held a sign that read, “Thank you, Teachers.” Victoria stood in the 40 degree weather in shorts and no jacket, because she procrastinated getting dressed and could only throw on a pair of shorts before running out the door when she heard the horns honking.
It was fitness week in the elementary schools this week. Parents were supposed to be involved so throughout the week Christine and Victoria participated in activities directed from online sourcing including dance, exercises, and (as pictured here and accompanied by Austin) yoga.
Victoria set her alarm Mother’s Day morning so that she could wake up before Christine and decorate the hallway for her mother.
The family is gathering together after Christine woke up and walked out into the hallway on Mother’s Day to be greeted by all 3 ‘children’.
Victoria wakes up every morning and asks to watch youtube on Christine’s old cell phone while she lies in bed. Sometimes, when she is lucky, Adeline joins her.
Christine is still trying to exercise 5 days per week, if not more. She is getting ready to run with a couple of friends on the Erie Canal early in the morning, before all the people are on the trail. Later, she’ll go out for a bike ride.
