This is another in a series of reflections on the content of my favorite podcast of 2021: episode 110 of The Knowledge Project with Jim Collins.
Sometimes you don’t know the whole story. Sometimes it may not be ill-intent. Sometimes it could simply be a misunderstanding or it could be incompetence; somebody may not be untrustworthy, they may just be incompetent or they made a mistake, right? Maybe you don’t see the whole situation. Maybe you are jumping to a conclusion about why someone is doing something, when actually – if you could see everything from all perspectives – you would forgive.
As a teen, I refused to put up with other people’s bullshit. If you acted like an idiot, I was out. If you wronged me (or a friend), I saw no reason to talk to you. If you hurt me or someone I loved, you were worse than dead to me; I would (ceaselessly) take any opportunity that I could to exact some small degree of revenge in any way that I possibly could. Even into my early 20s I had little to no patience for people who didn’t do what I thought was the right thing. I didn’t have the energy to suffer the misguided decisions of others.
Of course, with the wisdom of age and experience – and a lot of reading and introspection – has come the understanding that only from the lofty seat of self-righteousness can someone act with such indignity toward their fellow man and woman. Only when someone is so unjustifiably full of themselves can they hold so much of humanity in contempt. Only the selfish and egocentric are so absolutely confident in their own infallibility to discard another who has made a mistake.
To Mr. Collins’ point, there are times in life when we engage with people who are purposefully devious and willfully acting only in their own self-interest or without regard for others. Perhaps they don’t warrant forgiveness. Maybe they still do.
Even so, most times in life when we feel wronged by another, it is without their intention. It is born from a misunderstanding. Or a lack of perspective. Or an inability to relate to each other’s circumstance.
And what of us? Do we demand the ire and hatred from others when we ourselves misunderstand, misstep, or misspeak? Are we so perfect to hold judgement over others that should never be held against oneself? Surely not.
The lesson here is clear: Learn to forgive if you wish to be forgiven and set the example. Work hard and diligently everyday to be the person you want everyone else to be, and as Marcus Aerilius said, “…meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil.“