You’ll rarely ever get credit for exercising restraint; people can’t see the things we don’t do. That’s okay. We do the right thing for the sake of the thing itself, not the sake of recognition.
Greatness can be admired, but shouldn’t be sought; it is an external, a validation, and entirely outside my control. We are only great when compared to someone by someone else. Are they sufficiently wise? Probably not. What qualifies them to exercise judgement of me? Nothing.
Strive for goodness over greatness. Think. Restrain. Steadfast. Fair. Today. Tomorrow. Always. The world will be better for it, even if it never knows it.
This was the first memorial Day in quite a few years that I didn’t photograph the Fayetteville memorial Day parade. Not feeling it. Perhaps I should have forced myself to go. Perhaps not. I know I’m in a low point/trough right now, but going there in wet weather wasn’t going to fix anything. Walked the neighborhood with Adeline instead.
Fear is a good thing, it is designed to protect us. It is also hijacked and misused in ways that are self-defeating. Always ask yourself: what is the worst that can happen and how likely is it, really?
Think. Restrain. Steadfast. Fair. Every day. Take perspective and think before speaking. Only say what needs to be said. Have the courage to say and hear the difficult things. Remember they are doing their best.
2 ears. 1 mouth.
If love were mathematical: When times are good, 1+1>2. When times are tough, 1+1<2.
This love will inevitably change and eventually dissolve, because nothing is forever. Be grateful for the love you have when and while you have it.
Silence is avoidance. Avoidance is just failure by another name. If silence is the only plan, you need a better plan.
On emotions:
- It is difficult to not fret about or focus on things outside of my control. Why can’t people see things for what they are? Why can’t they work to improve? Why didn’t they care to be better? It doesn’t matter. I try to think and restrain. I’ll try to be steadfast and fair. If not me, who?
- When I’m feeling uncomfortable emotions, I’m usually able to reason through them. I have 2 weaknesses: (work) management and romantic relationships. Place undue strain on either and I begin to feel anxious; it feels like there is too much to lose. It also feels like I have the power to fix, overcome, or effort my way to a change that I ultimately have not control over. I don’t. And there is no such thing as too much to lose. Anything I have to lose had been lost before and others have endured. I would too.
- I aim for equilibrium, to not to feel too much of anything. It isn’t temperance, though. It is self preservation. The good will be too brief. The bad will feel unrelenting. That is a distortion, I know it.
- The agency achieved a 4 star rating and I felt nothing. It was something I’d targeted for 4 years and it felt so shallow. We’re still not good enough. The metric says we are better, but better isn’t good enough. Should it be?
- The good and the bad feelings, they are usually from an attachment to or desire for externals, usually validation or affirmation. I know better.
- I love to talk and and work thoughts and feelings through aloud. I always have. To keep it all in feels bad. The pressure builds. With pressure comes rumination. With rumination, anxiety … irrationality. The only voices I hear are my own and (sometimes) they lie to me.
- How should I show up in relationships? Earnestly. Empathetically. Honestly and courageously. Be the best version of yourself, even if you have to fake it. Be the person you might need one day. If you have chosen them to be worthy of your love, they deserve nothing less.
- Your emotions aren’t trying to teach you anything, but you can learn from your response to them.
- Anxiety. Recognize it for what it is. Irrational. Fear. Head it off at the pass.
- Emotions evolved. They improved our fit in this world. Anger prevented us from being dispossessed. Disgust kept us from self harm. Fear kept us safe from danger. Happiness rewarded us. Sadness punished us. And surprise – if se lived through it – taught us how to better stay alive. Over all these many of thousands of years, we have now developed reason to check those emotions.
What am I being dispossessed of? Does it really harm me? Sticks and stones, more often than not.
What is it that is really making me queezy? Is it really a bad thing, or just something unfamiliar?
What am I scared of? Is it really as bad as it seems? Is it something that hasn’t been endured? That I can’t handle?
What am I deriving happiness from? Am I a better person for it?
What is it really that has me feeling so low? Am I a lesser person for it?
Should I be surprised? Has this not ever happened before? Is the lesson to stop being surprised at all? - Emotional maturity is emotional wisdom. Acknowledge what they are. Recognize what they aren’t. Embrace them all, but only hold them briefly, and let them go. They are mere subconscious heuristics: often helpful but never necessarily right.