Think. Restrain. Steadfast. Fair.
2 ears, 1 mouth.
Goodness over greatness.
Murphy’s law is real, but you can’t be ready for everything. There are too many possibilities. Be prepared instead to be flexible. To be resilient. To pivot quickly. To take you the challenge. To remind yourself that this has happened countless times before and this is your chance to grow. You will be better for this practice.
I’m doing poorly at evening temperance with food, especially. Time to refrain altogether. I was doing well when living alone; time to do well again.
Give yourself grace. Other people have walked this path before, but none of them did so without occasionally stumbling over their own feet. The key to success is to stay upright and regain your footing so that you can take another step forward.
They say that breaking old habits is harder than starting new ones. That might be true, but the difference is only relative if the habit you are learning is in the direction of virtue.
If it doesn’t matter, why are you doing it at all?
Hope is hurtful more than helpful. What does it mean to hope for something? Is it within your control? What is the difference between “it would be nice if the works were a better place” and “I hope the world becomes a better place.”? Hope is a desire for something that we have no control over.
If you want the world to be a better place, do something hyper local that has a predictable outsized impact, and imagine the impact if everyone did the same and how much better the world would be. But almost no one else does, you say? That isn’t your burden to carry.
Angry about what? Are you surprised? Whose fault is that? Will anger reduce in time? Of course it will. If it will reduce in time, why not choose to reduce it now? When you are done, recognize that the anger that bubbles up in you today followed the same path anger always does. Stop it. Put up barriers. Zoom out. Think differently. But anger? Check and leave that shit at the door.
Kant says that to find happiness, find something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. I didn’t think this is true.
You might find happiness in doing something, but not just any thing, and even the things you might enjoy are not in your best interest (eg drinking alcohol) and might lead to long term suffering. To find happiness, purposefully find something to do that will grow your virtue.
Love is a tough one. Unrequited love, for instance, can be terribly painful. Romantic affection is often a feeling that leads the mind astray and away from virtue as we pine for something that we ultimately have little control over (eg another person’s impression of us). We are left to cross our fingers and hope that they love us back.
And there we land, back at hope, that unreasonable thing we do. And what of the consequence of hopes unfulfilled? The days will be long if they are spent hoping for the love of your life to love you back or for the world to be filled with justice. The days will be longer still if they are spent contemplating how unfair it feels that our hopes resemble unripened fruit on a withering tree.
Perhaps – considering necessary happiness – there is room for love if one loves thyself and compassionately striving for virtue.
Perhaps Kant’s quote can be rewritten:
Rules for happiness: do something meaningful and purposeful to grow your virtue, graciously love thyself, and strive to be good always.
How much of the felt sense of loss is related more to an anxiety about how things will be different in the future than how much someone or something is missed in the present?
If it achievable and is in accordance with virtue, by all means do it. If it is neither achievable nor virtuous, stop. Life is too short for such folly.
On Close Calls:
- I’m sure that there are moments when achievement has slipped away at the last second, but I don’t have any recollection of them
- I know that there have been moments of expectation when other people have let me down and it has been hurtful, but it happens less now than before and for a few reasons. First, I try to avoid being hopeful of things I can’t control. Second, I try to expect for things to not happen. Third, I try to not take it as a personal affront of they don’t. Fourth, I try to not give meaning to decisions that other people make that might leave me disappointed. I’m better than before, but not great at this.
- I’m trying to recall a time when a close call changed the direction of my life and I cannot think of any. I’ve had a few close calls, particularly while driving, but I considered my survival an opportunity to continue in the same path and in the same direction.
- The only close call that I recall is stopping at a RR track in Granby that I usually drove through, only to have the train zoom through in front of me as I came to a stop.
- I think of close calls as near misses, things that could have gone worse but didn’t. But what about the things that could have gone better? Are there close calls that I regret?
- I tend to reach for things I can reach, not things beyond. There is only one thing I’ve pursued that I don’t have full control over. Sometimes I get lucky, sometimes I don’t. I probably shouldn’t want it so bad, but I don’t allow it to hurt my moral character, so it is okay enough for now.
- I haven’t learned much from close calls because I’ve been mostly fortunate. I’ve landed the job. I’ve won over the girl. I’ve been mostly lucky and successful, so there haven’t been many near misses to learn from.
- I’ve been in a few accidents and I’ve learned from each. I’ve had a few near accidents that I’ve learned from as well.
- I watched an 18 wheeler fly through an intersection at 50 mph long after my light turned green. If I hadn’t looked, before moving my for to the accelerator, I wouldn’t be here today.